Dear Dr. Dan, My wife and I cannot seem to resolve a parenting issue that we have debated about for many years. In short, I believe we should establish a firm bedtime for our young children. My wife has never supported this idea (we have argued frequently about it) and has always used the phrase […]
On Healing 12/2/2002: Mother must set limit on her giving
Dan, My husband and I have raised four children. Three children are loving and respectful, educated, and hard working. The fourth child has a “dream.” In his 30s, he went a thousand miles away to fulfill this dream. Although he has never missed a chance to tell us what failures we are as parents, we […]
On Healing 11/18/2002: Three who hold a hope of peace
For the first time in the five years since she died, I recently dreamed about my mother. I met her in heaven. She was walking next to my father and describing heaven: “It’s all about love here. Everyone loves everyone else.” When we think about heaven and love, the last place that comes to mind […]
On Healing 11/4/2002: Living with her mortality every day
Kathryn Voight will miss the feeling of her forehead touching her husband’s when they fall asleep. Most of us don’t spend time thinking of these things. Most of us have the luxury not to. Kathryn and Jerry Voight were enjoying their lives. In 1998 Kathryn was a 62-year-old woman enjoying her career and her children; […]
On Healing 10/21/2002: Too much depression stays hidden
When Sally first came to treatment several years ago, she was a 35-year-old lawyer who, by all appearances, was an accomplished, successful woman. She gave her father credit as a role model for her professional success. But she was angry with her mother, whom she described as “weak” or “lazy.” Her mother, I learned, had […]
On Healing 10/7/2002: Beyond hue and cry, consider the real story
I am angry. Lately the news has been filled with awful stories of child abuse, neglect, abduction, a videotape of a mother beating her child. There was the story of a Pennsylvania teenager allegedly sent away by his family and starved, and another about an 11-year-old boy who said his parents forced him to sell […]
On Healing 9/16/2002: Listening to her daughter is one step in healing rift
Last month I wrote about a woman who was abused by her parents as a child and, despite many years of emotional distance, still carried many of the resulting burdens. I suggested that forgiveness not only releases the burdens but can help reclaim lost power in a relationship. Although the strength of forgiveness rests with […]
On Healing 9/2/2002: Humility, not arrogance, will help us deal with Sept. 11
Sept. 11 will be this nation’s national day of mourning. We will come together to reflect and talk about what we lost and about how things are now different. We will mourn the loss of our illusion of security and we will express our great sadness and fear about our children’s future. Since that tragic […]
On Healing 8/19/2002: A grandfather’s fears – and his hopes
Dear Sam: I last wrote you 27 months ago, on the event of your birth. In that letter, I shared some of the lessons I have learned and told you that life brings both joy and suffering. In these last two years, you have become a child of remarkable beauty and happiness with an astonishing […]
On Healing 8/5/2002: Forgiving abusive parents will bring you freedom
Long ago, I was wounded. I lived To revenge myself Against my father, not For what he was – For what I was; from the beginning of time, In childhood, I thought That pain meant I was not loved It meant I loved. “First Memory,” by Louise Gluck Dear Dr. Dan: I understand from previous […]
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