Nothing ignites our passions like the topic of abortion. And nothing closes a dialogue like that topic, either. I can almost hear hearts beating more rapidly as you begin to read this column. So what’s going on?
Congress has passed legislation banning the procedure sometimes called “partial birth” abortion, and the President has promised to sign the bill. Now, antiabortion people will almost certainly be joyous after years of work, and abortion-rights supporters will almost certainly be angry and frightened. There is also little doubt that this legislation will be challenged in the Supreme Court.
We all know the arguments for and against. We have all heard them and made them, ad nauseam. But when we take a step away from the debate, things begin to get confusing. In my experience with people on both sides of this issue, I have observed that abortion-rights supporters also tend to be against guns and the death penalty. And I’ve found that people who are antiabortion generally support our right to buy a gun and support the death penalty.
So it looks as if the pro-choice people are really pro-life. And the pro-life people are saying that it’s important to have the right to buy guns and kill animals and criminals. So it sounds as if they are pro-choice! I find this all very confusing.
The other thing that makes no sense is that nobody listens. Most of my job involves listening, to both the language and the emotion behind the debate. After many years of listening, I know that when an argument continues for years and never resolves, it is no longer about the words, it is inevitably about the emotions behind the words. So when I listen behind the well-worn language of the abortion debate, I hear people on both sides fighting for and about the sanctity of life.
Abortion-rights supporters are typically opposed to guns and the death penalty because people die unnecessarily. And when it comes to the issue of abortion, they are fearful. They are fearful of losing control over the sanctity of their bodies – their own lives. And they’re fearful of losing control to a government that frequently acts without compassion. Remember the operational word here: fearful. So they cherish life and are fearful of the government intervening and taking control of their choices – their lives.
Antiabortion people also believe in the dignity and sanctity of life and that no fetus should be terminated, because life is precious. But they, too, are fearful – fearful of criminals and fearful of being hurt by others. And fearful of that same government intervening and taking away their ability to protect themselves with guns.
Both groups fight for life. Both groups are fearful of losing control.
But why are we not listening? Why can each side only honor its own beliefs?
We all have our beliefs; we couldn’t get through life without them. But why do we get so angry when we hear beliefs that don’t fit with ours? When doctors are murdered at abortion clinics, it is not about fighting for life, it is about fighting for beliefs.
Fighting for beliefs has become honorable, a character trait to which many of us aspire. After all, isn’t that what we are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan? But one could argue that terrorists are doing the same thing. They believe what they are doing is virtuous and will help their people.
And one could also argue that Manuel Hernandez and Pete Marron also were standing up for their beliefs about the Los Angeles Dodgers in September when they allegedly encountered Mark Antenorcruz in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium. Antenorcruz was a Giants fan. He was shot and killed, allegedly over beliefs in a baseball team.
So now where do we go? We must stand for our beliefs, but horrendous acts have been committed by people doing just that.
Beliefs can provide many things for us. Our beliefs and convictions guide our lives. Without them, we might feel adrift in some existential sea. Sometimes they can answer questions for us when we need guidance. Sometimes they can help us raise questions. And when we feel more vulnerable, confused or at risk, we clutch our beliefs more tightly and they become a road map for life, telling us where we should be going and how to get there.
But if we clutch our beliefs even more tightly, they can become a prison. When we become imprisoned by our beliefs, we stop hearing. Our minds are closed and so are our hearts.
I wonder what would happen if we embraced our beliefs as we would a lover we knew and trusted. Where the embrace itself is trusting and not suffocating, where we trust enough to separate from the beliefs and examine them, allow them to grow and evolve and do the same for ourselves in the process.
The alternative is to embrace our beliefs tightly enough that we go through life with a closed mind and a closed heart. And that would make us less alive. Which is odd, considering the nature of the issue is the sanctity of life.
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