Dear Sam, The last time we met, you told me all about your new adventures in wrestling. This is the first I’ve heard of a wrestling league for 5-year-olds, but it’s a good sport and a promising way to learn about yourself. But then you told me you were having a problem. You said another […]
On Healing 2/6/2006: Sometimes, goodbye comes first
I always loved the Beatles song “Hello, Goodbye,” but I never really understood the lyrics, particularly when they sang “you say goodbye and I say hello.” But during dinner with a dear friend last week, I think I finally got it. Because of his age, he had been pressured to retire from a career he […]
On Healing 1/23/2006: Paralyzed by one’s fear of rejection
Dear Dr. Gottlieb: Your last column about desire was interesting. But what happens when there is a conflict between desire and fear of taking a risk? I think a lot of people live with unfulfilled desires, perhaps unnecessarily, simply because they are afraid. For instance, fear of rejection might prevent someone from asking for a […]
On Healing 1/9/2006: Learning to tame what the heart desires
Desire is why we fall in love and desire is why infidelity happens. Desire can explain obesity, and desire for self-improvement can also explain weight loss. Desire is universal and part of the life force. And it is complicated. A patient I’ll call “Barbara” realized how complicated desire could be. When I first met her, […]
On Healing 12/26/2005: Why not resolve to stop trying to change?
New Year’s is coming, so it’s time to make those resolutions. What’ll it be this year? Lose weight, quit smoking, how about get to the gym more often or become a better person? Of course New Year’s resolutions succeed about as often as lottery tickets pay off. New Year’s Eve is the world’s oldest holiday. […]
On Healing 12/12/2005: Parent’s anxiety can end a dialogue
The bucolic hamlet of Lititz in Lancaster County is an unlikely site for a double murder. That’s where 18-year-old David Ludwig is accused of murdering the parents of his 14-year-old girlfriend, Kara Beth Borden, after the two had stayed out all night. While the mantra of many mental-health professionals is “parental involvement,” these parents seemed […]
On Healing 11/28/2005: Instead of fires, illumination
The riots started on Oct. 27 with the accidental deaths of two boys fleeing police in a Paris suburb. Small gangs of youth began to set cars on fire in impoverished housing projects. The riots quickly spread to 300 cities and towns across France. And within 10 days France had seen millions of dollars of […]
On Healing 11/14/2005: How complicated abortion can be
In the war of sound bites over abortion, each side stakes out its turf and avoids the more complicated human issues. Last year I worked with a couple I’ll call the Joneses. After 20 years of marriage, they were considering separation. Their oldest was a senior in high school. Marriages often run into trouble when […]
On Healing 10/31/2005: Guilt may result from feeling helpless
Dear Dr. Dan: For many years I have been struggling with my mother, who makes me feel guilty. As long as she was married, she was fine. But now that she does not have a husband, it seems as if she expects my husband and me to take his place. She also will not ask […]
On Healing 10/17/2005: Experience shows: Healing is within you
My last column responded to the Catholic Church scandal by examining the impact of pedophiles on their victims. I reviewed a treatment model in which the perpetrator publicly apologized after understanding the harm he had done to a child. In response, Evelyn, who was abused as a child, sent the following letter: Thanks for your […]
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