Dear Dr. Dan: It seems to me there is one psychological challenge in family life that is crying out to be “named and framed” so those affected can get help: the challenge of living with the incompetent. By incompetence, I mean the inability to understand one’s inadequacies and to grasp the adaptations needed to live […]
On Healing 9/18/2006: How to parent an adult: Respectfully
Last month I wrote about a mother concerned about her 22-year-old daughter. She felt her daughter was struggling and she didn’t know how to help. I advised her that small children need parents who will manage the environment to keep them safe, whereas adolescents need our support and faith more than our management skills. I […]
On Healing 9/4/2006: Grateful for an infection? In a way, yes
I knew there was no cure for my paralysis. Nor was there any hope for my baldness. But this was an infectious-disease doctor on the other end of the line, and he was calling me about my urinary tract infection. We had always cured them in the past, and even though this one seemed much […]
On Healing 8/21/2006: A mother cannot, should not, protect a grown daughter
Dear Dr. Dan: My 22-year-old daughter is a senior at a nearby university. She is beautiful, smart and well-rounded. But she seems to be taking one step forward and two steps back. The people she befriends have had a negative effect on her. I am most concerned with her “boyfriends.” She gets into very short-lived […]
On Healing 8/7/2006: Shy bladder caused decades of shame
Dear Dr. Dan: Thanks for the opportunity to contact you in this anonymous medium, because it would be intolerable for me to face anyone with my curse. I have suffered from a misery with the technical name of parauresis, or shy bladder syndrome, since I was a child. I was traumatized as a little boy […]
On Healing 7/24/2006: Opening up to others could rout fear
These days the world seems a little more frightening than usual. Iraq feels dangerously out of control. North Korea is firing missiles, Iran is threatening to acquire nuclear weapons, and now Israel and Lebanon have turned into a powderkeg. Yes, I’m scared. Most of us, when we get together with friends, debate the pros and […]
On Healing 7/10/2006: Treat the whole life, not the symptoms
Road rage is not really road rage. Of course, anyone who has seen that frightening and dangerous behavior might argue with that. But according to a recent study in the archives of General Psychiatry, it’s something called Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and it affects nearly 16 million Americans, more than schizophrenia and bipolar disorder combined. This […]
On Healing 6/26/2006: Exposure causes shame but heals it, too
I recently made an error at one of my consulting jobs. Mistakes happen. My supervisor picked up the error and I got criticized. Action followed by reaction. A pretty typical exchange for people who are imperfect and have supervisors. If only it were that simple. My first reaction was anxiety, the sudden shock of a […]
On Healing 6/12/2006: Most men learn to hide their feelings
A woman really wants to see her man without his mask, a friend once confided. She’s not alone. Many women complain that men are not open about their feelings. And children say the same thing about their fathers. I understand their frustration. Many men act almost as though they have no feelings, seeing feelings as […]
On Healing 5/29/2006: How to cope when driven to distraction
Dr. Gottlieb: I have noticed over the past 10 years that I have become increasingly distracted and distractible, more irritable and anxious and less productive and creative. I joke about whether I have “adult onset ADD” because I can’t concentrate. I am starting to feel stupid. It’s too hard to concentrate long enough to read […]
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