I was with my six-year-old pal Jacob yesterday. He’s like a grandson to me and he and I love each other dearly. For the last several months, he’s been asking how I got in the wheelchair, and I told him about the car accident and how nothing works below my chest.
Shortly thereafter, he figured out that I was pretty fragile, so he became very protective of me, worried when I drove my wheelchair over grass to get to his T-ball game. He just wanted to make sure I was okay.
Yesterday he asked me if I was going to die. I explained that I was, and he and I talked about was that means. He asked if I was going to die soon because he said his mommy worries about that. Of course, I told him we don’t know when we are going to die, but it did get me thinking.
Now that I am officially 68 years old (well, technically it’s not till June 10), I feel my body is changing and I am having more autonomic dysfunction. It’s almost as though my body is getting tired. I’ve been struggling with my stamina – all the stuff old people experience.
So am I going to die soon? I know this: In all likelihood I will die sooner than I want to, that this life will be pulled from my grasp rather than my letting go.
I think it was Dionne Warwick who sang the song with the lyrics: “I know I’ll never love this way again, so I keep holding on until the love is gone.”
I can’t ever imagine my love of life ever being gone completely.
Can you?
I’m in my 40s, so while I’m not quite ready to contemplate death, I have been thinking about a reduced lifespan. The data on SCI and life expectancy is not encouraging; as you indicate, our bodies seem to wear out quicker. That leaves us with a challenge – to make the most of the time we.
hi Shane. I’m not so sure the lifespan thing is all that it’s cracked up to be. All it does is give us the illusion that we have some control over when we die. We do, however, have some control over how we live. Maybe more to the point, we have control over how we experience our lives. Nearly 20 years ago when I took my first meditation class,, one of my fellow students had stage III breast cancer. Talk about a short life span.. I asked her why she was taking this course and I will never forget her response: “all my life wherever I was I was always somewhere else in my head.. In the time I have left, I want to be where I am.”
Me too. And I wish the same for you Shane