Dear Dr. Dan: I have been married for more than 30 years, and have three grown children. Although two are doing quite well, one is living alone with her teenage children after being divorced for the second time. She struggles both financially and emotionally. My husband has had chronic anxiety and depression for most of […]
On Healing 7/1/2002: Focus on who you are now
A man with worsening multiple sclerosis sent me a long e-mail. He described a dramatic decrease of mobility and a lessening of strength and stamina – changes that most of us will experience, usually over a much longer period of time. In his case, the change “strikes at the core of my very being. I […]
On Healing 6/17/2002: Experiencing pain, not avoiding it, can help heal
The Buddha is believed to have said that life is suffering. Certainly parts of life involve suffering, sometimes terrible suffering. But while life involves suffering, the avoidance of suffering is like death. Several people have asked me what the survivors and families of victims of the World Trade Center bombings will face now that the […]
On Healing 6/3/2002: Thoughts are just thoughts, not truth
You can examine them, and learn to free yourself from misperceptions. Lately, I have been thinking a good deal about our thinking. Most of us believe that our thinking is an accurate reflection of our history, our environment and our experience. Therefore, when we have a thought, we value it as truth. The truth is, […]
On Healing 5/6/2002: She worries about antidepressants for daughter, 19
Dear Dr. Gottlieb: My daughter is 19, and I have been a single mother for 10 years. My ex-husband has struggled with substance abuse for most of his life and recently left several treatment facilities before completing their programs. He is now on track. My daughter was very involved with her father throughout his treatment. […]
On Healing 4/29/2002: With John Nash: A kind of connection
Ever since I became familiar with the story of John Nash, in some ways I identified with him. As a quadriplegic, I felt many parallels between his brain and my body. Because I have no sensation below my chest, I must be extra attentive to the needs of my body; I cannot take it for […]
On Healing 4/17/2002: God weeps when enmity rules the day
Once again there is war in the holy land. Listen to the language, the words infused with hate. There is an old Jewish saying: “People plan and God laughs.” Perhaps there is a similar saying in Islam. The message is that we can never assume we know the outcome of something. But the phrase God […]
On Healing 4/1/2002: We need to take ourselves less seriously – and be silly
No one really knows the roots of April Fools’ Day, so I can offer a theory without too much fear of rebuttal. Almost every culture has a holiday in which people dress up, wear masks, and be fools. Notice I didn’t say act like fools. The masks give us permission to be the fools we […]
On Healing 3/18/2002: Fight for others, not for your ego
Every parent has heard a child say, “That’s not fair.” It is as though children monitor their world to ensure that it is just. Of course, most parents have responded to their children’s complaints with the words, “The world is not fair.” But we behave as if we don’t really believe what we say. Whenever […]
On Healing 3/4/2002: In case of breast cancer, consider the children
Nancy Fraim’s vow to do whatever it took to conquer cancer seemed to reassure son Mike, who was then 7, she recalls. When Jackie Block was 15, she got in her mother’s car one day after school and immediately knew something was very wrong. “I knew she had an irregular mammogram, but I didn’t think […]
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